The beginning - Part I
Having recently completed my Diploma of Professional Counseling, I have spent much of the past few years exploring, deconstructing and eventually rebuilding the manner in which I experience the world, both within poker and outside of it. In doing so, I found that much of the suffering I experienced was primarily self-inflicted. During downswings, for example, I'd often spend hours upon hours questioning my abilities and wondering whether the day would come when the game I love so much would pass me by. Or, if all was well with poker, I would subconsciously alter the course of my pain-seeking ways (or, more accurately, the brain pathways seeking a familiar route to a conditioned phsyiological response would alter me) and begin worrying that I would not be able to help my counseling clients in as effective a manner as I hoped to or that I would not be a good provider for my soon-to-be-born first child (bonus points if you can already spot my 'suffering pattern'). As can be expected, this self-indulgent suffering often stunted my motivation to fully apply myself in various aspects of life (our brain's ability to protect itself from the potential of further suffering is absolutely incredible! Unfortunately, this 'protection' often ends up standing in direct opposition to many of the things that would actually alleviate the exact same suffering we're desperately trying to avoid). Knowing what I know now, it was not at all surprising to me when I realized how frequently I had thought about the seemingly-endless string of teachers telling my parents I had 'limitless potential, if only he would apply himself'. In turn this would often cause me to become disheartened by thoughts of what could have been had I not been so...me.
Of course, this served absolutely no purpose but to keep me as far from my goals as possible. My mind was literally working around the clock to keep me imprisoned in a warm blanket of destructive thinking. And yet somehow the pain felt so strangely comfortable. As if all I had to do was give in to the suffering and spend the rest of my days strengthening and reinforcing it as it played on an endless loop in the back of my mind. You might not think your brain works like this too, but I assure you, it does. As William Wordsworth famously said "suffering is permanent, obscure and dark, And shares the nature of infinity."
The good news, I eventually came to understand, is that as intelligent, aware, and determined individuals, we all have the power to train both our minds and our emotions to act in whichever manner we desire. While it may take a whole lot of time and even more effort, can you imagine the possibilities that would become available to you if you were able to analyze, construct, and implement the exact way you wanted to think, feel and behave - much in the same way you decide what clothes to put on in the morning or determine the best line to take with QJs oop 15bb deep? Amazing, right?
Although people can (and should) work towards this goal in a variety of different ways, I personally found that, along with awareness, the single most important factor in helping me improve my mindset and overall approach to life was making the conscious decision to go to bed each night feeling certain that I had moved at least one step closer to reaching whatever goals I was working towards at the time. And although my suffering mind immediately attempted to sabotage the entire operation by claiming that one step at a time would never be enough, I stood there with the same unwavering certainty that I stand with here now, knowing full well that if Rome couldn't be built in a day, then probably neither could I.
S.
Stay tuned for Part II in which I will explore the process I used as I strived to accomplish my goal of feeling accomplished.
May Poker Progress Update:
Games: 779
Average profit: $2.71
Average stake: $73.5
ROI: 3.61%
EV ROI: 4.77%
Profit: $2,108
Do you know the sex of your child? What names are you considering? I kind of like Sentin7 if it is a boy. Sentin9 would be a good fit for a girl.
Enjoyed it!
View my coaching page.
Awesomeness right there ! Feeling the force.
Go forth and CRUSH !
Thanks guys. And Ryan, our baby is a boy and we don't have a name picked yet. I can assure you however that any and all variations of the name Sentin have long-since been vetoed. :(
Life update: spent the day grinding the vidpack pretty hard. Starting to come together nicely now but lots of work to go still so poker updates will be infrequent (at best) for the next couple of weeks. I'm actually considering taking this entire upcoming week off from the tables so I can put all my energy and focus towards the vidpack, but we'll see how the next couple of days go.
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
Cool stuff:)
Congratz to the month, nice EV roi:)
Daniel is an awesome name for a boy...just sayin' ;-)
GL
Hey Sentin,
I know exactly how you feel, im in a pretty similar situation myself and alot of what you said resonates with me.
Nice to know that things can change for the better and anything can be overcome by application.
gl
Hi 0bl1ky, I'm very happy to hear you were able to relate to my post and find some comfort in it. I think we've all experienced some life-downswings at one point or another, but as you pointed out, it's important to recognize that we always have the ability to improve our situation, even if only by adjusting the way we perceive and interpret the events that we are experiencing.
If you ever have any questions or concerns, please feel free to PM me at any time.
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
Update:
Video-pack: Spent all last week working on the vidpack before deciding I kinda hated it all and scrapping the entire thing. The good news, however, is that later-on on the very same day I finally had an epiphany about what I actually wanted to do and spent the following 2 days obsessively hammering out the details and getting it all underway. I'm not sure whether it will still be completed by the end of the month as I had originally planned anymore, but Ryan and I are both super pleased with the new direction of the pack and I'm excited to see how it all comes together now.
Poker: Pretty much took all of last week off but put in a few hours today and ran nice and hot to make up for it. Volume is going to stay relatively low till I finish the vidpack but I'll be starting to put in at least a couple of hours daily in the meantime again.
Being Good at Life: In speaking with a number of people about my first 'mental-game' article, I realized that before I move on to a discussion of the strategies I have been using, it might be wise to first take a step back and expand on the concept of awareness/mindfulness that I mentioned briefly in the first post. So I've begun working on that as well and am looking forward to sharing that with you guys. On a related note, I started working with my first poker-player (counseling-wise) this week and have really enjoyed getting to combine these two aspects of my life. I've also started looking for a permanent office-space here in Vancouver, which is definitely tedious and frustrating at times but also extremely exciting.
However, by far the best part of my week happened the other day when I was trying to listen to my baby's heartbeat through my wife's stomach and instead felt him kick me right in the face! Not exactly what I was looking for, but thrilling just the same! He who still remains nameless is only 7 weeks away from his due-date now and the final preparations are in full swing. Now all that's left to do to is to keep our fingers crossed and hope we run reeeeaaallll good and have a baby who likes to sleep through the night.
One f'n time!
May Poker stats (sick volume bro edition):
Games: 882
Average Profit: $3.13
ABI: $73.43
ROI: 4.17%
EV ROI: 4.89%
Profit $2,758
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
Sentin's original video pack idea was to record theory concepts while his wife was giving labor. That way, he'd have something to do at the hospital, and could be maximally efficient with his time. However, I insisted he scrap that idea, and after a few weeks he agreed.
I don't care what you say, 'balancing your contraction range' is still a woefully neglected topic that we simply must examine.
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
You are magnificent, no joke!
Stay gold Ponyboy.
Looking forwards to the next post. And the new and improved video pack..:-)
Good luck family Sentin !
Go forth and CRUSH !
Thanks guys, appreciate the kind words.
Poker Update:
Good couple of lowish volume days.
May Poker stats:
Games: 1029
Average Profit: $3.67
ABI: $73.03
ROI: 4.93%
EV ROI: 4.82%
Profit $3781
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
Life: Got an interview for a volunteer spot that provides counseling to youths in my neighborhood on Thursday. Pretty excited cause that's pretty much exactly what I see myself doing long-term and I was told that they're in desperate need for a male and that if all goes well it's very likely to lead to at least a more permanent position, so keeping my fingers crossed.
Random: Found the most incredible book last week called Man's Search For Meaning by existential therapist and Nazi concentration-camp survivor Viktor Frankl. As a kid/teenager I used to read A TON and I'd often get so emotionally-involved that it would sometimes screw with my head for days or even weeks at a time. I haven't really experienced that since then but this book definitely threw me for a loop and led me to experiencing some pretty intense emotions ranging from disbelief to anger to rage to depression back to rage and finally to the most profound sense of appreciation and motivation that I can remember feeling in quite some time. If you're into that type of stuff I highly recommend checking out the book, I promise you won't be disappointed. Anyways, perhaps I'll make a more detailed post about the book and existential therapy in general sometime in the near future if people are interested, but for now I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the book (I could literally post 50, but one will probably do for now).
"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is being asked." -Viktor Frankl
...
ok, maybe just one more.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." -Viktor Frankl
May Poker stats:
Games: 1249
Average Profit: $3.75
ABI: $72.62
ROI: 5.05%
EV ROI: 5.08%
Profit $4678
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
Good luck with the interview :-)
Go forth and CRUSH !
Just about to head out the door for the weekend so just a quick two-second update.
Life: Crushed interview, got the position.
Poker: May final tally.
Have a good weekend everyone, see you in June.
CRUSHING FISH LIKE A BOSS
COACHING
TWITTER @Sentin9&
What an update, congrats man.
A bit low on volume imho, but really nice roi, and gg for the life achievements!:)
GL for june
Where is Sentin7 ?
Go forth and CRUSH !
Sentin wanted me to let you all know that he'll be updating this thread again soon. He's been away, and is now a new father!
Congratulations family Sentin ! :-)
Go forth and CRUSH !